Hello Loves! I hope this post finds you safe, healthy and well? I will touch on how I have been, how I am… Me and mine… But first, an announcement!! You may have guessed from the title of this post but on a miserable day in late January 2021, I became a Tropic Ambassador. And I have to tell you… I really needed this leap of faith and new venture to bring me back to myself. There’s that quote isn’t there. One that I resonate with extremely well in my present moment of feeling empowered and rejuvenated as a woman. ‘She remembered who she was and the game changed’ I feel like I handled 2020 and the wrath of Covid-19 with an element of balance. I wouldn’t say with ease but within the tragedy and chaos of it all, my little family and I were okay. Still smiling, still hoping……

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Dear Ria, This letter has been a long time coming and what a better time for you to read it, when your life is hanging in the balance of a new decade. You are standing beautifully on the edge of many new chapters and without a doubt, new beginnings. I feel in the past year and a half, you have been waiting for something like this, to push you forwards, just a bit more than you have been pushing yourself. Something decisive, final. A change if you will. You are in desperate need of a revival. I know that it feels somewhat alien to you now, being in your space on the internet. Days, weeks and months at a time have passed you by without writing anything here. You feel like you don’t belong anymore, in this little corner of the internet that you once upon a time, named The…

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I’ve changed a lot in one year. I’ve undone myself completely. I’ve been stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’ve pulled courage out of my arse and gumption out of my ears and I’ve had to fight for this version of myself. This woman who wears vulnerability in her eyes but her savage flame of self worth as a crown. I’ve fucking earned it. I didn’t realise a year ago, how unlike me I had become. I had been putting everything into getting by, as life often forces us in to doing. Always putting myself last. Always giving everyone and everything else more value than my own pretty heart. Which I realise now, is actually very pretty. It’s warm and it always searches for goodness in everything. I still don’t know why I didn’t think I mattered that much. I don’t know why as a grown woman, I…

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I’ve been waiting until I had the courage, to dive into a dark place and explain what has happened to me… to then have the strength to leap back out of it and carry on living out my new chapter. I still don’t know how I’m going to do. I feel like I’ve lost my voice. Like writers block, except I’ve almost got too many words to make sense of. Too much to say. Too many feelings. Too much happiness. Too much rage. Too much growth. Too much sadness. Too much fear. Too much freedom. Too much of myself back. Too much fire in my soul. Too many questions. Too much sass to filter any of it. Too many things that I still don’t understand. Too many things that I do…but wish I didn’t some days… perhaps?! My life changed. Suddenly. One minute, my beautiful family and I were skiing…

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Throughout my pregnancy with Dexter, the topic of breastfeeding would always make me feel like a bit of a failure. I would instantly feel emotional when talking about my plans to breastfeed my third baby and when I look back now, I think I had given up before I had even started. I told everyone who would listen that my aim was to breastfeed my baby, for the first year of his life. But, I don’t think that I really believed that I would get any further than two months again… Until I would hear those pained cries, of hunger. I doubted that things would be any different this time. I was adamant that one day, I would stop hearing the sound of my baby gulp to the rhythm of my milk letting down… because as if by magic, it would dry up again. I was already hurt at the…

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