Thirty

When I considered this post, the best part of a year ago, I imagined it to be different. I thought it would resemble a highlight reel of the year that I was twenty-nine. I imagined that it would be a lot of ticks off of my ’30 before thirty bucket list’. I wondered if I would talk about all of the things that I had planned for my twenty ninth year, how I had changed aside from simply growing older. I deliberated over which photographs I would use and I thought that I already knew how they would make me feel before I even had the chance to take them.

The truth is, the year that I was twenty-nine has been much more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of chapter. Sometimes a little solitary. In one breath, I would say a fail in terms of the expectations that I had set for myself but in the other, I would say it has been one of the most important years of my life.

Return To Sheldon Spa

This past year, I have learned more about myself than I thought was possible and none of it came from the bucket list that I thought would be so important at the time. None of it came from the bucket list that I never began. I learned more about myself by simply coasting with life, letting go of my need to control everything and simply being a human being who realised that she didn’t have a fucking clue what direction she was meant to take next…let alone ‘find the perfect skincare routine’ while ‘reading thirty new books’.

I learned that the little goals of my bucket list were kind of pointless, my way of regaining control…making everything feel stable.

I recall the afternoon just recently, I had a little time, an hour or so until I needed to collect my little crazies from school. I looked at my list of things that I deemed important to achieve, almost a year ago and they kind of made me shudder. Don’t get me wrong, my ideas were lovely, cute…some beautiful yet suddenly, I didn’t get it anymore. I didn’t understand why I had to read thirty books, try thirty different recipes, have the perfect picnic or aim for ‘thirty acts of kindness’.

It’s about finding THE book that you relate to, changes you, inspires you… Not reading thirty shit ones! Food isn’t an aim, picnics are better when they are spontaneous and why would I limit kindness. I am kind, everyday… I am that person who throws kindness around like confetti.

Shorne Woods Country Park

I remember sitting there with a cup of peppermint & Liquorice tea and asking myself why I chose these things to aim for? Why were they relevant? What did I expect to gain by ‘achieving’ them? Happiness? Self-Worth? An attempt at self development perhaps? I still don’t know the answer. I do know that I still love the idea of bucket lists, goals and targets…making your dreams come true but this list just didn’t speak to me any more.

Faversham Hop Festival

I was already listening to the moments this past year that I hadn’t planned for, in the year that I let life happen. I listened to the quiet that I had planned to make noisy, the times that I felt such joy, unexpectedly. The past year was speaking to me and I was enjoying reminiscing about all of the things that I could have missed out on in a bid to tick a box. Like when I went Glamping in November, in the freezing cold with my slightly mad family which was good for my soul. Like when I opened up about and faced past body issues which I now realise was a heavy burden to carry. Like when I attended a photoshoot in London which saw me step out of my comfort zone massively. Like spending time with my siblings (my backbone) at the theatre and being exactly who I am. Like being on billboards all around the country and having the loveliest women show support, It felt nice. Like enjoying being outside in the Summer with my children for camping, picnics and making memories because they are my heart. And lastly, deciding to extend our beautiful family by one more (hopefully) because I am proud to say that I love being a mother. I made some truly happy memories this past year. I learned a lot about what happiness means.

A Weird And Wonderful week

I think once you conquer happiness, you become free. Once you are confident enough to simply choose it for yourself, you will start to feel it…even in the most testing times. People spend their lives searching for it, sacrificing things they love to get closer to it, feeling miserable because they don’t have it… viewing it as unobtainable, a bonus. It doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t think that I have actually changed that much this past year to be honest with you but the one thing I have noticed in myself is how much believing in happiness has altered me, for the better.

I feel blessed to be going in to my thirtieth year, choosing happiness. Plain and simply.

I may still not know very much about different wines, I may still not know what clothes I want to wear, I may still follow every recipe to exact instruction and I may still feel like I don’t know my exact direction (like most of us!) but that is actually okay by me. There’s something exciting about it.

And it may have taken me a whole year to find the purpose of the ‘year that I was twenty-nine’ but at the end of it, I discovered something pretty great. Something that I can take in to ‘thirty’ and the rest of my years, something that will serve me well, look after me… make me a better person, full of light, love and positivity.

I get to be thirty and I get to be happy.

Twenty-Nine, it’s been amazing but I have a new chapter to begin, with a smile… x

Chasing Sunsets

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I live in Kent, The Garden Of England.

And Autumn hasn’t yet come by here. It’s biding its time, waiting. And all of us are waiting back.

All of us who long for the the season of browns, golds and berry. Us folk, who simply prefer forrest walks, crunching through fallen, crispy leaves as the chill that hangs in the air surrounds us. Us who have waited for the scent of suncream to fade into the memories of ‘the summer just gone’. Us who are desperate to pack away the sandals and say goodbye to the sunshine so that us, the typically British, can get on with starting to miss it, instantly.

But I think I saw it…

Last night!

I think I felt it brush past me as I was walking home. I pulled my burnt, orange cardigan closer to me and watched it dance with the leaves, as they aged along the side of the road.

I felt it wrap itself around my toes, before I pulled on my warmest socks and closed the bedroom window.

Autumn came in to my home.

My home that has no spiced apple or cinnamon candles. My home that needs more cozy throws. My home that will quickly accommodate the season in wait.

The season that will be here soon.

My favourite season of them all.

I was an October baby, so to me it makes sense that this would be the time of year that I love the most. Even though it is colder, less shiny and bright… Autumn always feels like a fresh start to me. I love that we don’t have to say goodbye to quality family time, just because the summer days drift away. Autumn is the perfect time for families, in my eyes. Autumn is the perfect time for me and my family especially.

And so, I have made an Autumn Bucket List for my family and me. To tick off. To get the most from it. To make us soak it up. So it doesn’t pass us by. So it doesn’t go to waste.

With Love, Ria x

P.S. What is on your Autumn Bucket List with your family?

 

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A Fresh Start

So as I sit here, tapping away, I’m in a daze over the ‘Going Away To University’ party that we threw for my niece on Saturday night, the night out to The Ballet to watch ‘Romeo and Juliet’ on Tuesday and because I am sick with a cold. I feel happy, excited, inspired and awful, all at the same time. And it is atrociously and disgustingly amazing. So much has been going on lately that I almost failed at my first hurdle, to write this post and to commit to my blog and YouTube channels, once and for all. I almost failed… but I didn’t.

I didn’t because I have found the importance of my place on the internet, once again. I hold my hands up and have realised that at this point in my life, I need it the most. It wasn’t exactly here, as I have dabbled in the world of blogging and social media for a couple of years now, but my very first blog was where I started to find myself again, after having two children. I will always be forever thankful for the courage that the world allowed me in those moments that it took to write my first post. An introduction. One where I admitted to the world that I was lost, unrecognisable as the girl who once was. One where I declared love for my family but in the same breath asked if it was okay to love myself too. One where my hands shook as I hit ‘publish’ and in that moment my world changed forever.

I loved that first blog. It was everything that I needed. It was simple. It was freedom. It was courage. It was me, in a chapter. It was a mess but it was fitting.

And now I’m in a new one and I get to start again.

I’m not lost anymore. I’ve never felt more like myself. More alive and more free. I’ve never felt more confidant to say exactly what I want. I’ve never felt more open, honest and happy to just throw down and say, ‘Yep! This is my life, the the way that I live it, the things that I like to eat, wear and buy… This is exactly what I think, care about and strive for!’

And to make absolutely no apologies for it, for being exactly who I am.

Of course, my little space here will always be kind, warm and welcoming…because I like to think that I am. Sometimes it may be too emotional for you, too happy, too excitable… but I can’t help that. That is a big part of who I have always been…And I can’t see that changing. And… I think that is okay.

This tiny space in the big wide web gets to look after my shiny, new chapter. It will see the most special moments with my precious family and it will keep hold of my happy normal. It will remember our adventures for us and mine alone, for me. It will be my mirror in many ways, my diary in others and in my heart, completely.

And this makes me pleased to say that there will be new blog posts here every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 6.30am (UK time), from now on. This is ‘at the least’. Some weeks I may want to write every day. Sometimes I may want to pop my videos here. I may want to share a photograph that I like. These will all be additional things, away from my ‘promise’ to you and to myself.

I will also be looking to start ‘Our Weekend’ vlogs, which will go live on ‘The Sweetest Life’ YouTube Channel on a Monday at 6.30am. Also on this channel, I will be putting a video up every Sunday at 6.30am. These video’s will explore my passions a little further such as travel, home, beauty and style to name a few.

I will then be putting up a third video on my ‘Ria Langner’ YouTube Channel’ (which complements being a Channel Mum Sponsored Vlogger) on Wednesday at 6.30am. These video’s will cover anything parenting and motherhood. From ‘How To’s, day in the life’s, product reviews and rambles about my personal experience as a mama.

Again, these are my goals as a minimum. You can’t and shouldn’t limit creativity after all.

This is going to be amazing, I can feel it.

With Love, Ria x

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