Pregnancy just became a lot harder! Remember last week when I felt amazing? Yeah… I don’t feel quite so wonderful now. In fact, last week feels like a distant memory. As I sit here, I think… How the f*ck am I only 7 weeks pregnant. It has been the longest week ever. I’ve been sick a few times now. In the morning when I haven’t had breakfast quick enough. I end up sitting on the cold bathroom floor as I wrap my dressing gown tightly around my body, with watery eyes, I heave in to the toilet… well… needless to say, It’s pretty grim, pretty soul destroying. I try and do it with a smile. Trying hard to never lose sight of how lucky I am. But, it’s hard. I try and think about my shopping list or the school run. I try and dismiss it, like I don’t have…

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So I’m six weeks pregnant. I feel like I should have started to believe this is all real by now, but I don’t. I remember feeling terrible by this point with my last two pregnancies. I was horribly sick, tired, spotty, pale and I generally was not winning by six weeks. This feels so different. My mind feels different. I feel afraid that all is not progressing as it should be because I feel so good. I have always thought that sickness was the biggest thumbs up that everything is going well, everything is healthy…normal. I don’t feel sick in the slightest. I smile all of the time, my skin actually looks kind of great and my hair has never felt so thick. I hope this pregnancy is sticky. I desperately hope it is. I find myself praying every night that those who make the decisions out of my control,…

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It has been two days since I found out that I am pregnant and keeping it a secret is already so hard. I am truly feeling the struggle to keep this amazing thing to myself. This amazing, wonderful, incredible thing! I still can’t believe it! I can’t believe that I am being blessed like this. I can’t believe that this is my life for the next nine months. I get to protect this little soul with everything that I am and I get to watch and feel it grow, into a beautiful little human who will be so loved by us all… His or her family. I can’t believe that I have to keep this a secret from my family and close friends until around twelve weeks. I just want to make sure that everything is okay first. If I’m honest, I’m a little afraid this time around. Matt and…

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It’s currently 09:53am on Saturday the 22nd of October 2016. I’m sat in the living room with Noah and Ellenah and we are still on our pyjamas. I haven’t opened the curtains yet. The blinds are well and truly closed. I can see the blinding sunlight beaming through the gaps and it looks like it is going to be a beautiful Autumn day. Probably a little crisp but warm from the gorgeous sunshine. I’m not ready to let the daylight in yet. I’m not ready to feel exposed to anything outside the walls of our home. The walls protecting the secret from last night. Last night when weeks late for my period, I shut myself in the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. I wasn’t hopeful, I was certain that the test would be negative. I felt a little angered that I had to take another one to be told…

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