I’ve changed a lot in one year. I’ve undone myself completely. I’ve been stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’ve pulled courage out of my arse and gumption out of my ears and I’ve had to fight for this version of myself. This woman who wears vulnerability in her eyes but her savage flame of self worth as a crown. I’ve fucking earned it. I didn’t realise a year ago, how unlike me I had become. I had been putting everything into getting by, as life often forces us in to doing. Always putting myself last. Always giving everyone and everything else more value than my own pretty heart. Which I realise now, is actually very pretty. It’s warm and it always searches for goodness in everything. I still don’t know why I didn’t think I mattered that much. I don’t know why as a grown woman, I…

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I’ve been waiting until I had the courage, to dive into a dark place and explain what has happened to me… to then have the strength to leap back out of it and carry on living out my new chapter. I still don’t know how I’m going to do. I feel like I’ve lost my voice. Like writers block, except I’ve almost got too many words to make sense of. Too much to say. Too many feelings. Too much happiness. Too much rage. Too much growth. Too much sadness. Too much fear. Too much freedom. Too much of myself back. Too much fire in my soul. Too many questions. Too much sass to filter any of it. Too many things that I still don’t understand. Too many things that I do…but wish I didn’t some days… perhaps?! My life changed. Suddenly. One minute, my beautiful family and I were skiing…

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Wow! 2017… What a year? I mean, in 2017, we completed our beautiful, crazy team and became a family of five… So it is definitely one of those years that will take some beating. It was a whirlwind though. A real knock you off of your feet, months in a bubble of loveliness, high on life, Holy shizzle kind of whirlwind. It started off feeling difficult. Well actually, the first half of it was really hard. Exhausting. Overwhelming. A struggle. I’m not ashamed to admit that being and feeling constantly sick during my pregnancy, wore me out. I remember the day that I made my pregnancy announcement video. I wanted it to be so beautiful because nothing that I went through affected the love that was growing in my heart for my baby. I felt like the luckiest person in the whole wide world and I couldn’t wait for this…

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Today my little loves and I had a home day. We played twister, rummaged through and played with their old toys which haven’t seen the light of day for a while and made banana bread. I love banana bread, It’s so comforting. I would love to say that this is a gloriously healthy recipe because it has banana’s in it… but it isn’t. I use traditional ingredients for a really homey taste. It is sweet and perfect for those days when you need to hide for five or ten minutes with something tasty, a brew and a good book. Perfect for rainy days if that makes sense. Perfect for rainy days because it is so easy to make. It is very low maintenance and if you have children who are like mine and want to get involved… That would be cool too! Ingredients 2 over ripe bananas, 1tsp ground cinnamon,…

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Saturday was the official start of the half term breakĀ and it was such a gorgeous day. The sun was so warm, so beautiful and it was beating through my bedroom window from the moment that we opened our eyes. We spent the morning pottering around the house, being a little lazy and giving in the the freedom of the holiday. The freedom of the weekend. I managed to drink a hot peppermint tea while I talked to my little favourites. For ages. It always surprises me in the most pleasant way how they see life, how when I give them a little time they will talk to me for hours, how they always want me to be included in everything that they want to do, play and make and how openly they love the family that they were born in to. How happy they are. We ate lunch together, at…

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