Dear Noah (My Beautiful Boy), The sun has been shining lately and there have been blossoms on the trees. The world has started to look so beautiful after a long winter. This morning after a splash of rain, a cool release from the heat over the weekend, Ellenah and I walked back from the school run without you. We walked quite slowly. Ellenah because she is small and wanted to look at the snails which were on the move. Me because like every week day morning, I miss you. I especially missed you today. I missed you because while Ellenah crouched down low, taking all of the time in the world to look at the snail which I held in the palm of my hand for her, it hurt my heart that you were not there. You would have loved that snail. You would have made up a story about…

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   Dear Noah, A couple of afternoons ago, on a particularly hot day, you sat on the sofa, clammy and done with it all. In a bid to wind the day down, we sat just across from each other and started to talk. The conversation took a turn and you found yourself talking about the girl in your school, the girl that your six and a half year old self is ‘in love with’. I watched as your eyes lit up when you spoke about her, I can tell that you think she is beautiful and so funny. You have told me that to you, she is perfect. And I smiled… at the wrong time. To me, I captured a glimpse of the boyfriend, husband and man that I think that you will some day become. Sensitive, loving and warm. I drifted off, just for a few seconds…almost celebrating how…

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Noah lost his third tooth on Sunday evening. It was his front tooth at the top. The gap is huge. He looks kinda funny, a bit odd…a little goofy. Although, incredibly cute. It was a process, it had been wiggly for a while and I watched him every day, trying to get that sucker out. It didn’t want to budge…but he got there in the end. It is meant to be simple. It happens to every child, right? It is to be expected. It’s almost business for a young lad. A transaction. Every time a tooth comes out, it goes under the pillow and by the time he wakes up in the morning, a shiny penny is in its place. It’s a handshake. It’s a deal. Final. Normal. So, why do I take it so badly? Why do I get a stinging in my tear ducts each time I see…

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Dear Noah, How am I the mother of a very nearly six year old boy? When I first held you in my arms and looked down on your perfect little face for the first time, six years ago, this moment felt so very far away. I felt like the parents of six year old children were refined, not very much like me at all. The parents of six year old children enjoyed a glass of red in the evenings and they knew which cheeses they liked most. Parents of six year old children are so very mature, well travelled and can probably speak a few languages by this point in their parenting journey. Well my Darling, that is not who you have as a mummy. This mummy enjoys splitting a smoothie with you while we appreciate a good babybel together and seeing what we can make out of the wax.…

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Dear Noah, How can you even be five tomorrow? It doesn’t feel quite right. It truly feels like yesterday that I first met you, In the bedroom of our old house, surrounded by paint pots and hot mess because we hadn’t long moved in… and we were in the process of decorating your nursery!! We have come such a long way since that day. I truly couldn’t wish for a better relationship with you. You are honestly my best little friend.  The past year has been a big one in your life. You closed a chapter on pre- school and you started school. My Darling, you have stormed it! Believe me when I tell you that I’m crying as I type this, I am so so so so proud of you. We may not have the best of everything and we may not shower you with material things but as…

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