This wasn’t the video that I had imagined making back when I first saw the cross on that pregnancy test to tell me that I was going to be a mama-to-be again. I imagined something beautiful. I at least thought that I would have done my hair…maybe put a bit of lippy on… but no! This was the best I could do at the time. This was all that I had in my tired, sickly body to create. I say create…ha! I just ended up pointing the camera at myself one night, crying and looking very blotchy while I shared the most amazing news to YouTube Land.
Still, I watched this back today and as the tears threatened my eyes yet again… I smiled to myself. Smiled because we (me and our baby) have come so far in the short time between then and now. I can accept this for the memory now. I can accept this as part of the journey now… I don’t feel guilty anymore. The truth is, it ain’t easy growing a human and actually, I’m doin’ okay.
If you would like to follow my pregnancy, you can subscribe HERE. I ask for a lot of advice in my video’s, so I always appreciate any advice, tips and support. It’s crazy being out here on this journey again. Lots has changed since I was pregnant with my daughter Ellenah, who is now five. The YouTube community has become my diary, bible and such a big support to me as a mama, I would love to have you join me there.
And for all of you lovely ladies who are currently pregnant, bless you! I hope you are having beautiful, glowing and safe pregnancies. For those who are currently TTC, you are in my thoughts and hopes that you are blessed soon.
Dear Ellenah, my beautiful little girl.
This is long over due. On the evening before each of your birthday’s, I will write you a letter… but on the evening before your fifth birthday, I couldn’t make it happen. I’m really sorry Sweetheart, it wasn’t because I don’t care. It wasn’t because you are not important. It wasn’t because I had forgotten. It was the most important thing for me to do that day but the best I could do was to write down my thoughts in the notes on my phone, hoping that this day would come. This day when I would be able to string together the sentences to better communicate exactly what it is that I want to say to you.
And just over two months late, I have found the right day.
Turning five is a big deal. I can’t remember anything about my fifth birthday but I can remember the feeling of turning five. Your big brother was impatient to get to this age too. It’s the age where things change. It’s the age that you have really started to show the little girl that you are becoming. The petite, inquisitive and sassy little diva that storms through each day with that beautiful smile and sharp wit. You are our delightful chaos. Forever known as ‘Hurricane Bella Roo’.
You are bold and fearless. You are strong-willed and spirited. You are everything that I could ever want in a little girl. You are a pleasure to raise. You challenge me in ways that nobody else can. You question me and you make me question the world around me… Everything and everyone in it. You seem to simply know things that it takes some of us years to understand. You make no apology for being exactly as you are and I love that about you.
Some days I look at you and I see so much of myself. You smile like me. You run like me. You perform like me and you believe in the world like me. Other days, I look at you and see someone who I want to be. Brave, certain and rambunctious.
This past year, you have started to show what matters to you, who you love dearly and how you like to go about your day. You like your space… Alone time is very important to you. It is part of what enables you to be creative which is one of your biggest strengths. You communicate your real feelings clearly and never try and adapt your mood to anyone else’s expectation of you. I respect that about you.
To be honest, as with each passing year and the bigger and more charismatic you get… there never feels to me like enough words in the world that can fully sum up just how wonderful I think you are. Just how much I love you, from the bottom of my proud mama heart.
It has just been so much fun, getting to know each side of you with each passing moment. To see such beautiful sweetness to your sassy. To see such kindness in your heart that balances out your strong will. To see you shine bright and bring out the brightness and light in those around you, those who have fallen in love with you for everything that you are and for the blessing that you are to this world.
I love how much you love snails and how you will always move them if they are in harms way, no matter how much it’s raining. I love how conscious you are of protecting the planet and our daily conversations about throwing our litter away. I love watching you play, watching your imagination soar. I love listening to you make up little songs about the things that you find important. I love watching you dance like mama used to. I love your dirty laugh and how bright red your cheeks turn when you find something really funny.
I love the way that you make every day better.
I love the way that you make me better.
Love, Mama x
Today my little loves and I had a home day. We played twister, rummaged through and played with their old toys which haven’t seen the light of day for a while and made banana bread. I love banana bread, It’s so comforting.
I would love to say that this is a gloriously healthy recipe because it has banana’s in it… but it isn’t. I use traditional ingredients for a really homey taste. It is sweet and perfect for those days when you need to hide for five or ten minutes with something tasty, a brew and a good book. Perfect for rainy days if that makes sense.
Perfect for rainy days because it is so easy to make. It is very low maintenance and if you have children who are like mine and want to get involved… That would be cool too!
2 over ripe bananas, 1tsp ground cinnamon, 140g caster sugar (sieved), 140g softened butter, 2 beaten eggs,, 140g self raising flower (sieved) and a tsp of baking powder.
Preheat the oven to 180C and grease the bottom and sides of a loaf tin.
Peel and smash both bananas roughly with a fork until you get a fairly runny consistency. Add the cinnamon to the bananas and stir it in. Leave this to one side.
In a separate bowl, cream the butter and sugar together until smooth.
Alternate adding a little bit of egg and folding in a little flour. Repeat until it is all folded and mixed in.
Add in the baking powder and the banana mix and stir in until you have a smooth, creamy consistency- no lumps.
Pour mixture into the loaf tin and pop in the oven for 30-35 minutes. To check it is cooked, put a knife in the middle of the loaf and if it is hot to touch and it is clean, you are winning. It sounds done to me!
Let the bread cool down for 10 minutes in the tin and then whip it on to a cooling rack.
And that’s it… Enjoy Lovelies!!
Some of you might want to drizzle a little sugar icing over the top. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. It is still quite sweet without it but with it, you get that little somethin’ extra. Trust me though, you won’t need a lot if you decide to. Just a smidge.
I hope you love this loaf as much as me and mine do. Let me know if you give it a go and tag me in your photo’s on Instagram and Twitter using @sweetestlife_x – I would love that.
I have been waiting for this moment for what feels like so long. 7am on Saturday 22nd October 2016. The start of half term with my little crazy one’s. It has been a long six and a half weeks. A long time to spend more time than ever by myself. A long time missing them and wondering what they were up to. Wondering if they were happy and if they were thinking about me.
It has been so long and now I get to steal them back for a whole week. I get to be the one that they come to when they have made a lovely picture, they get to come to me when they fall over and they get to remember just being us again.
And yes, they will both fight. I won’t be able to provide them with a snack quick enough because they are ‘starving’. They will pull at my legs when I am cooking dinner for attention to something. They will constantly ask me what we are doing next. They will demand each and every second of my time and sanity…
And I will love every single second of it.
I need this time with them. They are my favourites. The little people that make me smile without even trying. The little people who taught me about unconditional love. The little people that make my world better.
I hope y’all have the best half term with your little loves and you embrace the half term cheer. Let me know what you guys are getting up to? We will be busy getting autumnal in ‘The Sweetest Life’ family! Apple picking, autumn leaf collecting, pumpkin patch strollin’ and cozy blankets, big hugs kinda snugglin’.