Dear Noah,


How can you even be five tomorrow? It doesn’t feel quite right. It truly feels like yesterday that I first met you, In the bedroom of our old house, surrounded by paint pots and hot mess because we hadn’t long moved in… and we were in the process of decorating your nursery!!


We have come such a long way since that day. I truly couldn’t wish for a better relationship with you. You are honestly my best little friend. 


The past year has been a big one in your life. You closed a chapter on pre- school and you started school. My Darling, you have stormed it! Believe me when I tell you that I’m crying as I type this, I am so so so so proud of you. We may not have the best of everything and we may not shower you with material things but as long as you know that I love you, more than words can say and you keep bringing me pieces of scrap paper with words that you have written by yourself… We are rich, we are wealthy and my sweet boy, we will always be happy. 


This year, you have learned the importance of telling those you care about that you love them… you must have because you tell me over and over again, every day. We argue about who loves each other more. I am pretty sure I love you most but you always say “Please can we love each other the same?”…  You are quite articulate like that… and very sweet!!


In your first few years, I would always question myself. I would always wonder if I was giving you the right tools, to learn and to grow. This year, I have seen just how smart you are. Nothing seems to phase you and you ask me questions that I can’t get my head around sometimes, or questions that I am afraid to answer. I don’t want to tell you why the world sometimes goes wrong, I don’t want to be the one to harden you… not that I think the world could, you seem to take it all in your stride and you always say something that makes everything a little better. You truly are my Sunshine!!! As long as you keep shining bright, nothing can bring me down.

Noah's 5th Birthday Eve

You are fresh. When you learn or experience something new, I feel like it is the first time I am. You are enthusiastic about such simple things and I idolise you for it. I hope you always see the world that way.


You are imaginative. I could watch you play for days on end and listen to your stories forever. What melts my heart the most is that not only do you still involve me but you always see me as a main character in your games and your stories. I am completely honoured to be a part of it. I wish that you will always keep me that close to your heart. You will always and forever be that close to mine.


Sometimes, when you play rough with your sister or you leap around on the furniture as part of your game, I forget that you are still so little. I tell you not to treat our home like that and that when it comes to Ellenah, you should know better… shame on me!! These years, quite evidently go too fast so you should be free to play, it is good for you!! And, it isn’t always your fault that Ellenah gets hurt, she gives as good as she gets and I couldn’t stop her from playing rough with you if I tried, she loves you as much as we do! She looks up to you and wants you around all of the time, even when she pushes away your constant attempts at kisses and cuddles, if you stopped, she would wonder why!! Sometimes, I treat you like you are older than you are, sometimes you act it… From this point on, please just be five and I will take care of the rest.


You are growing up to be a wonderful, beautiful person. You have a good and pure heart. You are charismatic and kind… and so generous, like I will always give away my last Rolo… you will always give me a pink love heart from your Harribo Mix-Up. I hope you always stay that way… You really are perfect.


I am so happy to be the person you come to when you are sad. When you are sick, it’s me you call for. When you want to tell someone about you day… you choose me.

I feel so privileged to be your Mummy and I love you so very much.

Happy 5th Birthday Sweetheart

I hope it’s as special as you are

All of my love

The biggest hugs and too many kisses

x Mummy x

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Originally Written 01/07/2014

A Letter To My Teenage Daughter

After another amazing Tuesday with my beautiful two year old daughter, for some reason I started wondering what she will be like as a teenager. I wondered what advice I would give her in years to come as she approaches such a critical point in her life, so I thought I would jot it down… Maybe I will need to refer back to it, who knows….


To my Ellenah,


Now that you are a teenager, I can imagine your emotions are a little all over the place. I imagine you are worried about what people think of you (probably and especially boys!). I imagine that the way you look has become important to you and I imagine that your friends are the best thing since sliced bread. As for us, your family, we get on your nerves, treat you like a baby, we probably say things like ‘you’ll understand when you are older’ and we invade your space often.

 


I remember being a teenager like it was yesterday. So I just want to tell you… It works out right in the end. You may think that nobody understands you and I used to feel the same.  The truth is, they probably don’t understand, not completely. What I do understand is that whatever is making you feel angry, sad, emotional or freakishly happy… it is important to you, therefore it is important to me too. As we grow we close doors on the reasons we have learned the lessons of life, our priorities change and we forget how hard being a teenager is. The important thing is that you know that I am always here to listen. I truly believe that there is nothing that we can’t talk through together to make you feel better about yourself and to make sure that you are happy. You are not now nor will you ever be alone….

 


What I hope that you will learn through your teenage years is that the way that you look and what people think about you does not validate you as a person. As long as you are beautiful on the inside, that is what is important. Always treat people how you want to be treated and always be kinder to people than you feel. 

 


So, before you raid Superdrug or Boots for a foundation that is two shades too dark and you look like I did (a hot mess), or you dive in to the new make-up craze ( lilac or white Dazzle Dust was mine, I looked awful!) I will just say… Make-Up is fun and an interesting way to express yourself so when the time is right, we will enjoy that madness together, I will look forward to that. BUT, don’t let it define you, you don’t need it… you are perfect without any of it.

 


Boys…eurgh!!! Can I still get away with telling you they have fleas and you should stay away? Didn’t think so. I can understand that getting a boyfriend could potentially be the most important thing in your life. Damn your hormones. I will always believe that no boy or man will ever be good enough for my little girl (yes you will always be my little girl!). However, I was your age once and my high school boyfriend lasted three years. Some was good, some was bad. As much as I won’t ban you from having a boyfriend, I will ask you to talk to me about it and the way that you are feeling. I am not a hypocrite and believe it or not, I was young once. Try to protect your heart… it is fragile and not everybody can be trusted with it. You are special, know your own worth and never allow yourself to be anybody’s second best… You deserve more. Another thing, enjoy this time but don’t expect too much… The world is a very big place and there is no reason that you need to settle for anything less than world domination. After all “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world” – Marilyn Monroe.

 

School… Thought I best sneak this one in and I’ll make it quick. Go to school……..

I didn’t, I did quite well but I could have done better. Knowledge is power and you are too young to give up on yourself already. Get as much education that is offered to you because believe it or not, you are very lucky to have it. NEVER dumb yourself down… your Mum has spoken.

 


Your friends… pick a good bunch. It’s always better to have a couple of real friends than a group who you can’t trust or don’t appreciate you. Don’t succumb to peer pressure and don’t ever be afraid or ashamed of who you are. Nobody else can be you any better. Don’t follow the crowd and don’t waste your time trying to lead anybody… be an individual and hold your head up high. You and your feelings matter, you are important… the friends who love that about you and the ones who don’t try and change you, keep hold of them, they sound like good eggs and you will cherish them in your adult years.

 


And us, we are your family and we love you very very very very much. We are annoying, we will check on you a lot and we sometimes tell you ‘you will understand when you are older’. It is all from the best place in our hearts. We love you and we still want to protect you from the world. After all, you are all of our Baby Girl and you always will be.

A Letter To My Teenage DaughterAll of the love in the world Bella Roo

x Mummy x

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Originally Written 05/06/2014

Pregnancy Poem

Hellooooo Everyone (Yep still feels odd!)


Today’s Blog may be a little long Guys and it wasn’t the one I was really planning but I couldn’t not put it on here today.


 As you may know I have two children, I love them both equally in very different ways because they are both unique (Obviously!) but today I wanted to write about my first born Son. His name is Noah and he is 4 years old, nearly five (he can not wait to be five!).


 I had Noah when I was just 22… some say still a baby myself, I disagree. Noah and I are very close, we have a great relationship. Regardless of how young I was, I had already decided what I wanted for Noah, myself and our relationship since before he was born. I could not wait to meet him!


This morning I have watched him closely, the way he independently manoeuvres around, his confidence, his humour. He has truly grown in to a lovely little boy and I’m not just saying that because he is mine. 


This got me thinking about a poem I wrote when I was carrying him. It is by no means perfect, I’m not a poet… BUT… it came from my heart and when I read it, it takes me back to a scary time, the anticipation of how much my life would change, the overwhelming love, the self doubt, the overwhelming love again and  the overwhelming love AGAIN (Yikes, I am soppy aren’t I?!)


So, here it is (I hope you make it to the end and I hope you enjoy it!).

God’s Gift

Sometimes my mind wonders, to future, present and past

I think of all the days when life went by so fast

I think of places I have been and people I have met

Lazy summers, exotic places, dancing in the rain and getting wet

 

Life is all about the living, every single day

So that when you get older, you have lots of things to say

Life is all about embracing, each and every part

It’s something to believe in, so hope can fill your heart

 

Life is a gift to cherish, the good and any flaws

Things happen for a reason and always opens doors

I used to think I knew it all, fate had a different view

It turned my world upside down, the reason only God knew

 

I said goodbye to a life I thought was destiny

I came across a fairytale, that’s where I met Daddy

He became my hero, he saved me in a way

God had shown his plan to me, we were meant to meet that day

 

Our love grew very quickly, my heart quickly fell

We were each others everything, we were in a spell

He held me tightly, made me smile, made me feel so safe

I felt the world slow right down, in his sweet embrace

 

Our fairytale carried on through summer and the cold

He made me feel so beautiful, when I was in his hold

I opened up my heart to him, he gave his in return

Whenever I would see him, my heart would flutter and burn

 

One night he came to see me, I kissed him a hello

Alone that night, I found out something he should really know

I sat down across the room, he asked if I was okay

I said that life was changing, there was something I needed to say

 

He waited very patiently, a spark of worry in his eyes

I looked out of the window, to the stars up in the skies

A tear fell upon my cheek, I know what I had to do

I smiled from the bottom of my heart and said that God was giving us you

 

Ever since the day I knew, you were growing there inside

I have never felt love like it, I am beaming with pride

I beg that you be safe and grow healthy and strong

I really can’t wait to meet you, when you come along

 

I picture what you will look like, I can’t help but cry

An angel has blessed me from above, somewhere in the sky

I wonder what you will grow to be, I wonder what you will do

I just know whatever you become, I’ll always be proud of you

 

You are my inspiration to make every day so bright

Brighter than the stars shone, when I came about you that night

You make me want to be better, to be everything I can be

You are my something to believe in, you have set me free

 

I am free to have the courage, to be whatever you need

To take care of you and treasure you and say goodbye to greed

I am free to show you the world, near and far away

I want you to see it all, for that I’ll always pray

 

I’ll wish you see a mountain top and a peaceful stream

For the beauty that is the world, you should see it gleam

I hope you meet such people who show you life’s divide

I insist you understand life, from someone else’s side

 

I demand you live for the moments that really make you smile

To understand the seconds, that make your life worth while

I want for you to have belief and never live in fear

I need you to know wherever you are, for you I’ll always be here

 

Whenever your hour of sunshine becomes a rainy day

I’ll always be there to tell you that it will clear away

I’ll always be there to pick you up, if ever you should fall

I’ll always be there listening, if ever you should call

 

I’ll let you walk your footsteps, wherever you should roam

I want you to know, wherever I am will always be your home

You’ve made my world so colourful, you’ve made my dreams come true

The day God gave me a gift and the gift he gave was you.

 x Love Mummy x
If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading and I hope you could feel how much I meant every word… and still do. 

I would love to hear how you all felt pre-parenthood, feel now that you little ones are growing so quickly or just anything you want to share with me and tell me, I love hearing from you.

With Love, Ria x 

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