It isn’t an easy decision to make. To decide whether or not to extend your already lovely little family by one more. Some could call you crazy for even thinking about it when your children are seven and (almost) five years old. Some would think you were mad for wanting to go back to square one, to start all over again. Some would ask you why you would want to go back to the sleepless nights, dirty nappies and sore nipples. I understand that it doesn’t sound that glamorous and I would probably find it harder now, now I am a little older and a little more used to an easier way of life.
But it just doesn’t make sense to me to not have another little human in our family, to love. It isn’t for a number, an ideal goal… but because Matt and I love raising our children. We love watching them grow, change and become who they are meant to be. We love being a part of it, throwing ourselves in to it and cherishing it. We love being parents, a mother and a father. We love being a family. Our family unit is so very special to us, so unique. We could give another baby a loving family with two amazing siblings, a place in the world and open arms to always be there for them, whatever it is that they need.
We made the decision out of love to start trying for another baby, about five months ago.
I didn’t announce it or make a big deal out of it. I didn’t fancy the pressure. In the same way that I have never used an ovulation test. We have let nature take its course but as it goes, it isn’t our turn just yet. I understand that the best things are worth waiting for but waiting and trying is completely new territory for Matt and me. Noah and Ellenah were both our most lovely surprises… and I realise that I definitely took it for granted at the time. I absolutely did.
And lately, I have found myself isolated and upset with my body, just like so many other women in the same position as me. So I have turned to them and their journeys on YouTube and in the Blogoshere. I have found myself taking comfort in such a beautiful online community. I have found a place where myself and my headspace best belong right now.
Negative pregnancy tests are hard to get over. You know the ones? When you felt so sure! You were certain that this was your month. And then it wasn’t…again.
I know that five months isn’t very long in the grand scheme of things. I know that I must sound impatient and dramatic but I can only feel what I feel. I think all of us in this situation are important. We all want to love a child, or another one in my case, at the end of the day. All of us and the different stages of our journeys matter. We are all in this thing together, this guessing game, this waiting business.
And with that in mind, I wouldn’t feel right about keeping my positivity to myself. It wouldn’t be nice of me to keep it to myself when it has helped me so very much. So in the video below, I introduce myself to the TTC community, with such precious common ground, a smile and some positive thoughts and suggestions to make this time a little happier. I want to help in some way. Please let me know if I do. Even if it is just a smile in the corner of your mouth or a slightly happier heart?
As I said, I have taken such comfort from other people in the past few months. I would love for you to share this part of motherhood and my life with me. It would mean so much to know that you will come back to this space and to see you subscribe over on YouTube Channel. You can do that by clicking here. It’s nice to have people around right now x