Dear Ellenah, on the eve of your sixth birthday, These letters are so much more than simply saying ‘Happy Birthday’ to you. To my best girl in the whole world. This is where I get to reflect on the past year, all of the changing you have done… All of the growing. All that we have been through together. All of the wonderful ways that you have become… You… As the most beautiful, clever, funny, charismatic, almost six year old ever. There are absolutely millions of things that I could say about you from this past year… You have surprised me endlessly and shone so brightly… As you always do. The year that you were five started so subtly, so calmly… I was growing your baby brother, Dexter in my tummy and I didn’t find that the easiest time. Our days were spent getting from A to B, squeezing in…

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Dear Dexter, Ahh, another special month with your smiley, beautiful face and happy heart. Could you be the worlds happiest baby? How did I get this lucky? I know some would say that because you aren’t yet sleeping through the night and because I am tired, things might seem hard and perhaps I’m not THAT lucky… but those people are wrong. I love waking up to your smiles every morning. When the first thing that I see when I open my eyes is you beaming at me with such excitement for the day ahead and for the life that you are living, it’s like the nights before never even happened. I know in my heart that everything is exactly as it is meant to be. I know that I am meant to see this chapter through with you, with a whole heart and gratitude. I am meant to do everything…

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Dear Noah, Hello my beautiful boy!! This letter feels way overdue. There is so much that I am bursting to say to you, to tell you. This morning, I am sitting in our living room with a hot cup of tea. I’m warm from the sun beating through the window, the room is bright… and I am thinking about you. I can see your things dotted around our home. The helicopter that you designed from lego that you were so proud of yesterday. Your pyjamas that you freely slung into your bedroom after getting dressed for school this morning. Pieces of paper that you have written little notes on, with your jagged, joined up handwriting. Your breakfast bowl, scraped of every last bit of porridge and as always, plenty of rogue Nerf bullets and paper planes… just around. Mama is missing you today. I wish you were here. We talked…

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Dear Dexter, I have had the most beautiful month with you, My Sweetheart. For the first time since you were born, time doesn’t seem to matter at all. I can only assume it went fast, as all months do when you are watching your children grow up… but we have all been lost in it somewhere, in the days that made you four months old. Before now, you have been our baby boy. You have cooed, smiled, laughed and all of it has been oh so sweetly. You have shown such love for us, we who love you the most of all. We have fallen in love with your sweet baby days and everything that has come with it. Noah and Ellenah have held you in their arms, felt the weight of your long, squishy thighed body. Daddy has talked with you, softly and let your laughing eyes steal pieces…

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To my darling, Dexi You are different. You’ve truly changed. You’ve grown so fast and so much. All in just a month. Another month. How has another month been and gone? Why do we keep finding ourselves here, like this. You, happily spending your days, fully throwing yourself into this world and diving straight into your life. You are on a journey to learn, grow and find yourself. In your very first chapter. Me, constantly looking at you, loving you, wanting to hold you, dedicating myself to making sure you are happy, safe and free to be you. My first chapter was a long time ago. The chapter that I am in is the ‘raising my family and being the best mama that I can possibly be’ chapter. But, whatever. We keep finding ourselves here. You, thriving in the moments that come and go. Me, holding onto the moments as…

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