Revival

Dear Ria,

This letter has been a long time coming and what a better time for you to read it, when your life is hanging in the balance of a new decade. You are standing beautifully on the edge of many new chapters and without a doubt, new beginnings. I feel in the past year and a half, you have been waiting for something like this, to push you forwards, just a bit more than you have been pushing yourself. Something decisive, final. A change if you will. You are in desperate need of a revival.

I know that it feels somewhat alien to you now, being in your space on the internet. Days, weeks and months at a time have passed you by without writing anything here. You feel like you don’t belong anymore, in this little corner of the internet that you once upon a time, named The Sweetest Life. Nowadays, in your quiet moments, when you are reflecting on one of the hardest chapters of your life so far, you wonder if life really is that sweet after all. It has been hard for you in so many ways. Finding your feet when you were cut off at the knees wasn’t easy… but you kept going… You still do. And month after month, you pay to keep this piece of you alive. You finance it. Somewhere inside of you, you know that this is your home and writing as you do, is one of the things that make you special. And as you often tell other people to do, it is one of the things that makes your soul shine… you have to chase that and respect the privilege of being blessed with a passion. I think you know that it is time to come back to yourself. Your life really is the sweetest, you mustn’t walk away.

You’ve needed the space to heal. So have your beautiful children. You’ve needed the time to give everything that you had within you away, without distraction. You’ve needed to preserve the energy that you used to use here, so that you could bring your best to the table. And Ria, you made the right choice. You knew that you had to put your three children first, over everything. In every second of every day. Their needs trumped everything and everyone. You have managed great things in your time away. It wasn’t lost just because you didn’t share any of it here. It doesn’t mean it didn’t matter. You just made a choice to protect your memories, your moments, your life. And I get it, you didn’t want to be looked at or observed. You didn’t want pity. You just wanted to get on with things. You just wanted to throw your arms around it all, everything that you experienced and say ‘I’ve got you, you’re important and you’re safe’. You were busy playing the hand that you have been dealt and you were simply just doing your very best. Ria… That was the right thing for you to do. I know you’ve felt like you’ve failed at times because you couldn’t do it all. You couldn’t make the extra minutes in each day appear, let alone the hours. There wasn’t time for this. Please don’t be hard on yourself anymore. It’s time to start being a little kinder to yourself…and your needs. You have to matter too.

I don’t mean to talk down to you. I know you’ll hate this. You often confuse compassion, empathy and kindness for pity. It makes you retreat and it makes you ridiculously stubborn. You don’t accept help at all well and you have this ‘strong, independent woman’ vibe that you put out into the world. Everyone gets it Ree. You got fucked over and relying on anyone, ever again, scares the shit out of you. But please just be careful with that. Don’t push everyone away. Your people love you… they know that you are capable of doing everything on your own… But they want you to know, that you don’t have to. You are not manoeuvring around this life by yourself. You’re not weak for letting people in. Please continue to keep your heart open. I know you are conscious of this. Don’t be afraid. Not everyone on this beautiful planet is here to destroy your trust, your confidence or to break your heart. You need to keep that as the little voice in the back of your head and remember….’not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear a path’… Everything is as it should be and remains the true blessing that you believe in.

The most wonderful things and the most amazing people have happened to you in this chapter. And you have started to really live. Not just exist. You are creating something very beautiful, very special for yourself and the kiddos. And girl, I know that you don’t need a summary of people, events and things to show gratitude for. You are wholly grateful without faltering. Every day. The family who are your best friends… and your best friends who have become your family, have stayed steadfast by your side from the very beginning and protected you fiercely. The friend who walked into your life, saw you through the wreckage and decided that you were worth choosing, has loved you gently and brought you back to yourself each day since you met. And you know the saying, that ‘everything is a little broken and that is how the light gets in’… well, through the little cracks, the bits of you that you’ve frantically tried to stitch up by yourself, you somehow managed to let someone into your heart. A man who not only lights up your being but a man who lights up your path and allows you to be entirely and unapologetically yourself. And while your relationship is still in its early days, In all of this, you are both beginning the sweetest love story. One that is kind, patient, loving and beautiful. And you know that after all of these years, this is what love and life is meant to feel like. You have been gifted the time and space to choose nothing but happiness.

You’ve been dedicated to it. Happiness. Not only in the camping trips, or the caravan holidays, or the girls getaway to Amsterdam. Not only in the nights out with friends, the romantic moments or the theatre trips. Not only in the girls nights in, the adventures or the moments of clarity. But in the everydays. The every moments. With your team. The pancakes on a Sunday. Dancing in the kitchen. Reading books at bedtime. Trips to the park and walking around the woods. Fun at the beach, the pumpkin patch… visiting Father Christmas. The painful conversations of hurt that you turned into love, the disappointment that you taught life lessons from and the tears that you wiped away. Your devotion to making everything okay. Making new traditions, having cuddles and creating life affirming memories made of such simplicity. You chose motherhood and you are exactly where you want to be. Your happiest parts have been everything that comes with being a mother and everything that comes with the three humans that you gave life to, always being your home. Your happiness comes down to great hope for the future and the knowing that things are better this way. This is and was, meant to be. It has always been the grand plan. The bigger picture.

Ria, you are okay now. You’re thriving in these days. flourishing! You’re happy. So what are you waiting for? One of your favourite quotes is ‘The trouble is, you think you have time’- Cheers Buddha… That and ‘Nobody is promised tomorrow’. It is time babe. Right now. Don’t wait for it. Don’t let a bad time tear you away from something that you love. Something that makes you, YOU.

With Love and great encouragement,

From, Your Inner Voice x