So I’m six weeks pregnant. I feel like I should have started to believe this is all real by now, but I don’t. I remember feeling terrible by this point with my last two pregnancies. I was horribly sick, tired, spotty, pale and I generally was not winning by six weeks. This feels so different. My mind feels different.
I feel afraid that all is not progressing as it should be because I feel so good. I have always thought that sickness was the biggest thumbs up that everything is going well, everything is healthy…normal. I don’t feel sick in the slightest. I smile all of the time, my skin actually looks kind of great and my hair has never felt so thick.
I hope this pregnancy is sticky. I desperately hope it is. I find myself praying every night that those who make the decisions out of my control, let me keep hold of it. I hope the world knows how much I love this little seedling already… and it would break my heart to take it away from me now.
I said I feel afraid but in the same breath, I feel so calm, positive and relaxed. I’m giving myself everything that I think a pregnant woman could want. Plenty of rest, plenty of water, healthy foods and a little time to enjoy the changes coming my way.
I said my mind feels different and it really does. I’ve had two beautiful children before. Two beautiful children but the worst pregnancies. I was young with Noah. Young and worried. Worried about my finances, whether or not my new relationship could survive becoming parents, if I would be a good, nurturing mother. I was in a high pressured career and nervous about the changes to my body after years of body issues and with a phobia about the science of it all. I was sick all of the the time. Hospitalised twice. Noah was one month premature. Ellenah was a surprise. We had to move from our small two bed home. I was queasy and my body suffered terrible SPD rather early on. Walking around was hard. Chasing around after a two year old was harder and on top of it all, I was getting married that year… when I was almost five months pregnant. Ellenah was due on Christmas Day 2011. She made an appearance one week early. Of course, I am completely in love with them both, but the pregnancies were hard on me.
When Matt and I decided to plan for another baby, we knew that timing and having everything in perfect order was important… So that we were all settled, going to cope and so that I could be happily pregnant with nothing on my mind. We knew that this was my best chance of having an enjoyable pregnancy, one that we each wished for me but more importantly so that I could give enough attention and energy to Noah and Ellenah. We chose to have another baby to complement our family, not hurt it in any way. I don’t want Noah and Ellenah to resent a new sibling because it took me away from them. This way there is more than enough of me and my love to go around. This is the way that we, as their parents know that they will be most happy with any changes going forward. And we know that they will be so excited. They have been asking for a new baby in the home for a long time now.
As I mentioned, I’m eating really well… but little and often because I am always hungry. I am following a vegetarian diet so I am cooking plenty of vegetables and grains to ensure I am putting wholesome, nutritious foods in to my body. I have gone off of courgettes completely though. I used to love them and would often centre a whole meal around cooking with them but not right now. I can’t stand the texture, taste or smell. So far, that is my only aversion.
I have a disgusting metallic taste in my mouth… all of the time right now. But, I’ll accept that. It’s not a big deal.
Talking of a big deal though… My breasts have basically doubled in size and my poor nipples are sore, sensitive and generally painful. This pregnancy is a complete secret until I get a thumbs up at the scan but these bad boys might just give everything away. I am currently wearing pinafores most days to hide them. Thank God for them coming back in to fashion. I want to kiss the person that made that happen.
My stomach is still flat at the moment which isn’t surprising because according to my pregnancy app, baby is the size of a lentil. Isn’t that just the cutest? Oh my goodness, I just had a really excited feeling in my tummy as I typed that. I am so excited about this.
I suppose I have been a little more tired but I have never needed much sleep. I find it boring. I have given in to rest though and I have felt the need to take a nap in the day sometimes. It is very rare that I get to though. I’m still a working mama, still busy leading my normal mum life.
Apart from needing to find and book in with a midwife (which I’m going to try and remember to do today) for my first appointment at around 8 weeks, I think that is everything that I need to update you with. It’s going to be fun looking back on these updates when baby is here and in years to come.
Anyway, fingers crossed that I continue to feel good and the sickness does or doesn’t stay away- whichever means that my baby is okay and I will see you in ‘7 weeks pregnant’.