A Letter To My Future Teenage Daughter

After another amazing Tuesday with my beautiful two year old daughter, for some reason I started wondering what she will be like as a teenager. I wondered what advice I would give her in years to come as she approaches such a critical point in her life, so I thought I would jot it down… Maybe I will need to refer back to it, who knows….

To my Ellenah,

Now that you are a teenager, I can imagine your emotions are a little all over the place. I imagine you are worried about what people think of you (probably and especially boys!). I imagine that the way you look has become important to you and I imagine that your friends are the best thing since sliced bread. As for us, your family, we get on your nerves, treat you like a baby, we probably say things like ‘you’ll understand when you are older’ and we invade your space often.

I remember being a teenager like it was yesterday. So I just want to tell you… It works out right in the end. You may think that nobody understands you and I used to feel the same.  The truth is, they probably don’t understand, not completely. What I do understand is that whatever is making you feel angry, sad, emotional or freakishly happy… it is important to you, therefore it is important to me too. As we grow we close doors on the reasons we have learned the lessons of life, our priorities change and we forget how hard being a teenager is. The important thing is that you know that I am always here to listen. I truly believe that there is nothing that we can’t talk through together to make you feel better about yourself and to make sure that you are happy. You are not now nor will you ever be alone….

What I hope that you will learn through your teenage years is that the way that you look and what people think about you does not validate you as a person. As long as you are beautiful on the inside, that is what is important. Always treat people how you want to be treated and always be kinder to people than you feel. 

So, before you raid Superdrug or Boots for a foundation that is two shades too dark and you look like I did (a hot mess), or you dive in to the new make-up craze ( lilac or white Dazzle Dust was mine, I looked awful!) I will just say… Make-Up is fun and an interesting way to express yourself so when the time is right, we will enjoy that madness together, I will look forward to that. BUT, don’t let it define you, you don’t need it… you are perfect without any of it.

Boys…eurgh!!! Can I still get away with telling you they have fleas and you should stay away? Didn’t think so. I can understand that getting a boyfriend could potentially be the most important thing in your life. Damn your hormones. I will always believe that no boy or man will ever be good enough for my little girl (yes you will always be my little girl!). However, I was your age once and my high school boyfriend lasted three years. Some was good, some was bad. As much as I won’t ban you from having a boyfriend, I will ask you to talk to me about it and the way that you are feeling. I am not a hypocrite and believe it or not, I was young once. Try to protect your heart… it is fragile and not everybody can be trusted with it. You are special, know your own worth and never allow yourself to be anybody’s second best… You deserve more. Another thing, enjoy this time but don’t expect too much… The world is a very big place and there is no reason that you need to settle for anything less than world domination. After all “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world” – Marilyn Monroe.

School… Thought I best sneak this one in and I’ll make it quick. Go to school……..

I didn’t, I did quite well but I could have done better. Knowledge is power and you are too young to give up on yourself already. Get as much education that is offered to you because believe it or not, you are very lucky to have it. NEVER dumb yourself down… your Mum has spoken.

Your friends… pick a good bunch. It’s always better to have a couple of real friends than a group who you can’t trust or don’t appreciate you. Don’t succumb to peer pressure and don’t ever be afraid or ashamed of who you are. Nobody else can be you any better. Don’t follow the crowd and don’t waste your time trying to lead anybody… be an individual and hold your head up high. You and your feelings matter, you are important… the friends who love that about you and the ones who don’t try and change you, keep hold of them, they sound like good eggs and you will cherish them in your adult years.

And us, we are your family and we love you very very very very much. We are annoying, we will check on you a lot and we sometimes tell you ‘you will understand when you are older’. It is all from the best place in our hearts. We love you and we still want to protect you from the world. After all, you are all of our Baby Girl and you always will be.