The Pregnancy Diaries #2 – Secrets & Sesame Seeds

It has been two days since I found out that I am pregnant and keeping it a secret is already so hard. I am truly feeling the struggle to keep this amazing thing to myself. This amazing, wonderful, incredible thing!

I still can’t believe it! I can’t believe that I am being blessed like this. I can’t believe that this is my life for the next nine months. I get to protect this little soul with everything that I am and I get to watch and feel it grow, into a beautiful little human who will be so loved by us all… His or her family.

I can’t believe that I have to keep this a secret from my family and close friends until around twelve weeks. I just want to make sure that everything is okay first. If I’m honest, I’m a little afraid this time around. Matt and I want this baby so much. We’ve already made room for it. We’ve already placed the cot, talked about which nappies to buy and debated over immunisations. There is room here, in our home and in our hearts. We love our baby so much already. I can’t tell everybody yet, it wouldn’t feel like the right thing to do.

By the date of my last period, I am around five weeks pregnant. By my dates, I’m around three weeks. I know that you can never really tell and I know this sounds strange… but I think I know the exact date. I felt different straight away. I wonder if anyone else has ever felt that way before?

I know that when it comes to prenatal check ups, my dates are irrelevant… So I’m trying to ignore the fact that I know best, haha. I checked an app on my iPhone to find out what is going on with the baby and me right now. I almost cried when I read that it was the size of a sesame seed. Isn’t that the sweetest thing?

It’s insane how much something so small can change your world so much in the littlest amount of time. Isn’t it?

It’s just as bizarre how much it has changed my world yet I still can’t believe it is all real at the same time. I mean, I know that it is. I’m exhausted, always hungry, my breasts are painful and I have an awful metallic taste in my mouth, all of the time. But I’ll take it.

I’m so unbelievably happy and I’m in such a positive place. Yes, there is a little fear which after a strange time during ttc, I think is normal but I am feeling so calm, so content… Kind of beautiful. Is that okay to say?

With Love,

Ria x