Dear Matthew, Do you remember when we first met? Do you remember how as you sat, waiting for your interview, our eyes met from across the room and (okay, I’ll admit it) I tried to find reasons to talk to you. There was something wonderful hanging in the air. Maybe it was because I was putting up a Christmas tree but I think it was because we were meant to fall in love with each other. Do you remember how you got the job but by the time you had your first day, zesty, enthusiastic and I think, ready to meet me again… I had gone?! Do you remember how we used to talk about each other to mutual colleagues. Do you think that maybe we missed each other before we even knew each other? Do you remember when we met again? You couldn’t believe that all I seemed to…

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It was a Saturday. Saturday the 2nd of July 2016…A special one! The day my son turned seven. I woke up early, before anyone else…even the birthday boy and the sun was beating through my bedroom window. It was bright and warm and I lay there thinking of this day seven years back. I thought it would be a day, much like the others before it. A day when I felt heavy and hot in the closeness of summer. A day when I wondered if it could be ‘The Day’. The day when a tiny, new life would make me a mother for the first time and a brand new chapter could begin. Indeed, my new chapter began as I gave birth to my little boy Noah, in the bedroom of our home. It was the first one that we lived in as a family. I met him for the…

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Dear Noah, Tomorrow you are turning seven! Tonight I am sitting here having just written in your birthday card and I am surrounded by banners and balloons that say ‘Happy Seventh Birthday’ and it doesn’t feel like they belong in our home. I can’t look at the number and see you being this age. I feel like some time has been rather wickedly stolen from me and I will never see it again. But it’s all true. You will be seven. In just a few hours…and I am trying to catch up quickly. I need to catch up so that tomorrow morning, when you bundle in to bed with me and whisper that it is your birthday, I don’t fall apart. I feel like falling apart right now. My lips keep quivering quite hard, my eyes are full of tears…my face is a little contorted…because I am trying to push…

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His little tongue poked out of the side of his mouth and his beautiful, big eyes grew even bigger in anticipation. His little fingers shook with concentration and focus and the room was silent. I may have stopped breathing for a tiny while, worried that he would hear and I would throw him off. And there in the living room of our home, Noah tied his shoelaces for the very first time. And like most milestones and the many wonderful ways that my children constantly surprise me, I felt the familiar burn of tears behind my eyes. And like most times, I didn’t let them fall but simply replaced them with the biggest smile that I can possibly fit on my face. A smile that often hurts eventually. Probably because it stays there for so long. Moments like this remind me why I wanted to become a mother to begin…

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It feels like ages since I last wrote about my visit to Sheldon Spa… probably because it was in fact ages ago. The past couple of weeks have been a big blur of things to do, places to be, lots of excitement and emotional moments. The last couple of weeks have been a bloggers dream but in reality, I’m just one person doing what I can. Lately it feels like I have to constantly make a choice between committing to my craft and committing to my children and being a good mama. And let’s be real… There really is no competition. So I made the decision that once the dust has settled, which is around now… I can really look back on the past few weeks, reflect on them and write about them. The things that I don’t want to forget. Honestly, I feel like I could burst with all…

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