Today is the day that my beautiful little girl starts primary school. My beautiful little girl ¬†who has lived wildly and free throughout this summer. My little Ellenah with the grazed knees, muddy tan, bright blonde hair and big blue eyes. She still smells like summer. A little like freshly cut grass, berry stained finger tips, campfires and salty beads of sweat from a lot of running around, through the tree’s and out into the open space of the countryside. The summer holidays are officially over…and with it goes our freedom to stay up late making Pinterest smores and snuggling under blankets so that she can fall asleep, her face aglow from the flickering fire that kept us warm. And instead of the lazy mornings spent eating fruit salads, reading stories, playing hide and seek and making the day wait for us… suddenly, time caught up with us. And instead…

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I anxiously sat on the wall outside of the doctors surgery, my head hung low and my legs swayed over the edge. Passers by looked up at me. They looked up at this grown woman with her hair shoved in to two braids, wearing her beloved off-white, incredibly scuffed converses and a small, brown backpack from Primark (where da kidz get their clothes)… I think she selected such a style because she didn’t have the strength to deal with this shit, almost as if she was mirroring somebody she used to be, a long time ago…before she had a care in the world. Honestly, I felt them look at me with pity in their eyes, almost with a little sadness. It made sense…because I felt sad and I obviously looked it. I had a ping of panic in my chest when I caught their glances… Like…Did they know that I…

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I want to remember you like this. When I’m an old lady and I’m looking up our memories in photograph’s. I want to see how the wind blew your hair in the breeze but you stood firm, strong. I want to see that I tried to dress you nicely but your knees were grass stained and perhaps a little scuffed. I don’t want to see you smiling primly in every photo, I want to see your laugh. I want to see those faces that you make when you are deep in thought, pulling together your next batch of questions. I want to see you find yourself throughout your years. I want to see that you understand what the meaning of ‘human’ is. Some people will think of the word ‘feral’ in such a bad way, but I can’t. I grew up on a farm and as my mum worked with…

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The summer holidays started in the best way for my little family and me. As you grow up and older, knowing what makes you happy is so important, as is keeping things simple and smiling as often as you can. I don’t mean the kind of smile that is meant for anyone else’s benefit. I mean the smile that grows on your face because you are smiling from within. And I don’t mean the happiness that you are told to feel, I mean the kind of happiness that comes from knowing yourself, knowing what you like and endeavouring to always have it. When we bundled in to the car with our battered, outdoorsy clothes and very minimal other things for a few days away, I couldn’t wait to get on the road and make our way to our happy place. The place with the white cliffs that overlook the sea.…

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The hustle and bustle of London is less than an hour away from my sleepy home town. London is everything that Faversham isn’t. It is a place for the dreamers, the hopefuls and it is rife with opportunity…yet, there is a hint of failure that hangs in the air, a little desperation, a lonely sadness. Faversham is a quiet place! People don’t come here to make their dreams come true…but it isn’t lonely. I’ve spent time in London, before I became a mama…and not the touristy kind! Not like on this day when I came with my family. I’ve been present in a few scenes and London always makes me feel the same way about it. Like it’s the best place that I have ever been to… artistic, electric, historically superior and proud. It is somewhere that leaves me in awe and makes me feel excited in the pit of…

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